If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I just want to make out with him forever
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
