We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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