Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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