As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
