After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
