i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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