Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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