I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
