You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
