We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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