Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
