I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
