Your dad touched me again.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
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