A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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