Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
