i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I think your dad took our porno
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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