Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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