I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i will never coherently bang her
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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