So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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