I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
