he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
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