i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Randomize
