mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
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