As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
