Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
