btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
