i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
