Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
