okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
