It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
