Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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