woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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