there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
