I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
