No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
