I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
