Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
You can't special order awesome
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
