your thong is hanging out like whoa
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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