booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize