I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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