We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
