before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize