Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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