Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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