ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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