I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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