That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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