im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
