I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Randomize
