Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
