physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
