Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
