Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
