READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
