I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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