there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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