Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
