I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
