So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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