All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
