ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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