are you so shy because you have an std?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
