you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
