we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Ladies don't puke and tell
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
