**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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