DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
