I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
