She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
You don't make any sense
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