By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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